Wednesday, April 20, 2016

A year and a day...

It has been a year.

A year since I bought a house.

A year since I said goodbye to my Kahlo-Kitty.

It has been a year full of commitment.

We adopted Corbin.  We patched the roof and replaced the water heater.

It has been a year since I decided to truly work at learning pottery.

It has been a year of bumpy roads, professionally speaking.

It has been over a year since I wrote and shared a blog post.

Today is the one year anniversary we placed Kahlo in the back yard and planted Sun Lover Lilies above her.  For months after I was raw, trying to hold in the emotions, and doing a fairly bad job of it.

That experience made me read a lot about how grief affects a person.
I realized for a very long time I was depressed, even before saying goodbye to Kahlo.

Since moving to Rochester in 2012 my job has been very demanding place to be and managing the stress of moving twice in 3 years, buying a home and saying goodbye to not one, but two beloved pets in less than 12 months put my emotional wellbeing into a tailspin.

It has been almost a year since I began to ask for help.

I have been working at trying to be less demanding of myself and what I am able to give.

I am trying to set boundaries.

On a daily basis I remind myself I do know what I am doing.  I try not to sell myself short and to recognize the small, yet important success of just getting through the day.

On a daily basis I remind myself I have so much to learn and I cannot be surprised when things change.

I try to be supportive.

I try to offer good advice.

I try to be fair and communicate clearly.

Sometimes it is not enough.

I have been trying to remember I am only one person.

I have control:

over how I choose to respond to upsetting news.

over which books I decide to borrow from the library.

over whether or not I fold my laundry or leave it in the basket.

I do not have control:

over how others choose to respond to upsetting news.

over whether someone will return on time the library book I have requested and placed on hold.

over whether or not people choose to continue walking the same professional path as I.

Lately I have been hearing something...a call, a request. A desire to offer more.  To volunteer, to take up the mantle, to be an asset in the community.  I am not sure in what way this will manifest.

It has been a year. This is where I live, love and work.  This is where I create.

This is the place I choose to call home.

I have come home.